Stay-at-home Dad
By Anonymous
My partner and I are becoming
more serious and thinking about our future. For the past few months, we've been
talking about marriage and our thoughts on starting a life together. One day,
as we're having our usual conversations, without thinking or properly framing
my thoughts, I blurted out, "I want you to be a stay at home dad!" As
I watched his eyes bewilder and confusion spread across his face, I realized
this was more threatening then what I really meant.
As supportive, progressive and understanding as he can be, staying at home and taking care of our child(ren) is still very much a women's job. It took two different conversations to help him see where I was coming from and be comfortable enough to support my suggestion of our roles. Even though he initially didn't receive the idea very well, he was completely on board after our talk. He even volunteered himself for all sorts of household responsibilities. My partner was more ecstatic than I was about taking care of kids and doing house work!
You see, the expectations from
cultural and patriarchal systems was instilled so deep in him, his aspiration
was never explored or flourished. As I give him a supportive space to share his
thoughts and ideas on family planning, I'm realizing what a great partner he is
and a much better "stay at home parent" than I can ever muster up to
be! Upon our conversation, I learned that he's very creative, discipline,
family-oriented and has a strong desire to be more than the financial provider
for our child(ren). It was interesting to me, watching him carefully unravel
his family planning ideas as he also tries to balance the stigma and
compromises he would have to make with his masculine image.
Of course, I also compromised and offered him my support by
validating that he is still "working" and contributing to our family
even if he's not the bread winner. We don't know what our future holds and what
situation we may come across but at the moment, this family plan seems to best
fit us. If anything shall arise and the situation flips, where I need time at home
and he needs to go out and work, we're also willing to do so. I'm so thankful
he can see pass the expectations and willingly take up a bigger role. His
willingness and unconditional support is the kind we need from more partners.
I don't believe women are
better housewives and my partner is one example of many. I can't help but
wonder, how many male partners would be comfortable with the idea of being a
stay at home dad if they were given a system of support? How many women would
be supportive of their partner if they wanted to be the stay at home parent
instead?
I'd love to hear other thoughts!
