tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88888335773332097212024-03-27T01:38:02.162-05:00Hnub Tshiab: Hmong Women Achieving TogetherWe envision a world where Hmong women and girls are valued and supported to achieve their highest potential in all of their roles. We see a society that honors the choices that Hmong women make and celebrates their ability to direct their own destinies.HWAThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02753287711012488696noreply@blogger.comBlogger34125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-84848069573433926902013-12-13T09:37:00.002-06:002013-12-13T09:37:08.210-06:00FInding love in unusual places
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>By Blia Yang</b> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I never approved of any Hmong person going overseas to marry
someone. I always believed that those marriages were just a way for people to
come to America. I also believed that people who married ib tug neeg nyob
tebchaws vam meej no xav thiab ntshaw lub neej vim txoj kev muaj nyiaj ntxiag
xwb. Cov neeg nyob tim ub lam txias nyiaj yeej tsis muaj kev hlub kiag. The
thought of international marriages only brought out negative thoughts. Why
would someone want to marry overseas when they can find someone who is educated
and knows the language to start out a better life? Luag tej yeej hais tias ua
li cas yus xav yug ib <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>tug neeg es tsis
paub ntawb paub ntawv. Tsis yog hais tias yus ruam thiab tsis zoo nkauj es
thiaj nrhiav tsis tau ib tug nyob tebchaws Ameliska no. I used to believe in
all of that. But now my view has changed because I am part of it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I hesitated to tell my story because I’m scared of what
others might think. I was afraid to be judged the way I used to judge others. But
after much thought I decided I needed to share my story. I was once in your
position. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In 2009 I just graduated from U of M in elementary education
and was about to pursue a masters program in curriculum and instruction. My
parents suggested I take a break and travel to Laos to visit relatives that I
have never met before and to finally see the land they have been talking about.
We arrived just in time for the Hmong New Year in Xieng Khouang. The land was
beautiful. The scenery and mountains were breathtaking! The breeze was not like
any others. Huab cua txias zias laj siab tshaj plaws yuav tsis muaj dabtsi los
piv tau. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I met Nhia during the Hmong New Year. We threw a few balls,
smiled and walked around the field. I actually treated him to a bowl of pho. He
showed me places around town and some tourist sites. I loved everything about
him including txoj kev hais lus qab zib. I love the way he respected elders. I
loved the way he talked to his parents. I even loved the way he chopped meat. He
was attending law school. He was ambitious. He knew where he was going in life
without anyone telling him how to get there. Before I knew it I was falling in
love with this guy. Nws tsis hau yuam yeeb, tsis quav cawv thiab tsis twv nyiaj
txiag. Tsis tag li ntawv thiab nws paub txhoov tau hau npua. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGV8594iR1noESd0gZpJfjdw1ZjDOL2MxVQO8jicnm58z_e88pihjTFQS0RCppbhrpPunfSjnoIIr3DoDqJxua-ZOcjs669d62sqVjonTCZvluM8ufB16GDPjkCcyNNYkCnuMNsvXfpv4/s1600/BLiaNhia.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGV8594iR1noESd0gZpJfjdw1ZjDOL2MxVQO8jicnm58z_e88pihjTFQS0RCppbhrpPunfSjnoIIr3DoDqJxua-ZOcjs669d62sqVjonTCZvluM8ufB16GDPjkCcyNNYkCnuMNsvXfpv4/s320/BLiaNhia.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We shared a lot of memories together. In no time he asked me
to marry him. I said no. It was too soon. We had only known each other for a
month. He asked me again, I said no. For me going to Laos and meeting him was just
a blissful vacation. By the fifth time he asked me to marry him I finally
thought long and hard about it. I agreed to get engaged. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Many people strongly disapproved the engagement when I
announced it. I was lectured by many about the “mistake” I was about to make. Feelings
were hurt all around. But I was lucky to have my parents by my side and I
received their blessing.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When my month long vacation was over I came home to
Minneapolis and left Nhia behind. Because it was an engagement I was in no rush
to get him here. In the back of my mind I also believed that Laos was a country
where one could fall in love easily. So, I wanted to see if my feelings were
still there. We continued to stay connected through Skype, emails, and numerous
phone calls. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My feelings and love did
not change one bit. In fact, I only grew to love him more. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After a good five to six months I started the paper work. Fast-forward
another fives months I went back to Laos and we both spent time together. We
stayed in Vientiane and he totally serenaded me. We decided to take the bus to
Luang Prabang. I enjoyed being with him on the long bus ride, the time we were
together overlooking the spring water, and the night shopping. I enjoyed being
sick to my stomach because of the food poisoning and he took care of me. What I
loved the most was our motorcycle rides. We still reminisce about many of these
memories today. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In no time my husband was here despite the fact that there
was a winter storm in Minneapolis and he was stuck overnight in Atlanta, GA.
When he finally arrived in Minnesota he touched snow for the very first time! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Muaj ib qho kuv ntshai tshaj plaws thaum nws tuaj txog yog
txoj kev thuam ntawm tib neeg pej xeem. But I learned to not let that get to me
because in the end they are not the people who matter most to me. We gained the
love from the ones that disapproved of us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I would love to assume that they finally see what I saw in him. He’s a
great man. He’s respectful. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 258.75pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I understand the negative thoughts and views of international
marriages. But every story is different. I want to thank my Hmoob Yaj (7-13-3)
side of the family, kuv cov neej tsa, for being so supportive and for loving me
so much along with my husband. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Trust me,
you don’t know how supportive they were. One relative sang us a song and
another one played a musical instrument to bond our love stronger. The list
goes on. I also want to thank my husband’s pog and yawg<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(tij yug, kwv yug) that welcomed us with open
arms.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpUKCrSrd5xrRlUfthNBPmGaMI-SeubDKmb_yI3wAnqprWTl3YXipKxmk-CxdxE8CTi0nLPy9TGjStI_jC5yxo5XsIq-9ot1Mq3Fj2Ay7dHVgobWvkwcPmZu6lWwtskQypjvTUnwO9TIc/s1600/blia_nhia1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpUKCrSrd5xrRlUfthNBPmGaMI-SeubDKmb_yI3wAnqprWTl3YXipKxmk-CxdxE8CTi0nLPy9TGjStI_jC5yxo5XsIq-9ot1Mq3Fj2Ay7dHVgobWvkwcPmZu6lWwtskQypjvTUnwO9TIc/s320/blia_nhia1.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
HWAThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02753287711012488696noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-29960138113148425482013-11-18T21:34:00.000-06:002013-11-18T21:34:45.774-06:00<style>
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<br />
<h2 class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Learning to love my father's new wife</span></h2>
<h4 class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">By Destiny Xiong </span></h4>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It is so easy to look at someone and
point out all the reasons you don't like them for a decision that your father
made. It's even easier to ignore that person. But let's face it-that doesn't
make the situation better nor does it make you a better person.<br />
<br />
So, who is this other person? Let me tell you.<br />
<br />
My mother lost her life after battling cancer. It was probably the most
difficult thing I've had to deal with in my life thus far. I lost courage, I
lost faith, I lost hope, and I lost myself.<br /> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Shortly after she passed my father remarried a woman that everyone thought was
perfect for him. She was close in age with him, she was a mother already and
could be a mother to us and she knew how to cook. Needless to say that
marriage didn't last very long. For whatever reason it was better for them to
part ways.<br />
<br />
My courage, my faith, and hope was not yet recovered. The journey to who I was
began because I didn't have a mother to tell me who I should be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had to look deep within myself to remember
the things she said that really makes me a better a person.<br />
<br />
My father lost love, courage, faith, hope and himself too when my mother passed
away. He never recovered. In his journey to find himself he went back to Laos.
Before he went, I recall saying, “Dad, don't go marry someone who is
younger than us.” He laughed.<br />
<br />
Upon his return he showed us a picture of a young woman that he said he
married. The anger and the disappointment I had was beyond words. The man that
sat in front of me was not the same man that I remembered holding my mother in
his arms as she began to wither away.<br />
<br />
This young woman, who I called, "Kuv txiv tub poj niam," came to the
United States not knowing that hell, in the form of me, my sisters, and the world
that she knew nothing about, was waiting for her.<br />
<br />
I avoided her as much as I could. When she spoke to me I responded in a single
word or in English knowing she wouldn't understand me. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
I saw my sisters doing to her what I did and in that moment I realized my anger
and frustration is not because of her but because of myself. I let myself
become who I am not.<br />
<br />
So, let me ask all of you the same questions I asked myself and of my sisters,<br />
Do want a better life for yourself or your family?<br />
Do you want to be happy?<br />
Do you want friends?<br />
Do you want an education?<br />
Do you want to be loved?<br />
<br />
In those questions I realized she is no different than us. She is a woman with
hope, courage, faith, and while she may not know who she is she too is on a
journey to discover who she is. <br />
<br />
I began to talk to her more. I let her get to know my children. I found out
that she too like me tends to put a lot of salt on her boiled chicken that she
packs for someone who is on a long journey.<br />
<br />
So what now? While I still do not condone the act of marrying young women from
other parts of the world regardless of what culture you are from, the fact is they
are here and they need to be empowered to become successful in their journey.
They need English skills. We encouraged my father to talk to her in
English. We talked to her in English so that she can gain the English skills
she needed to buy groceries, to have conversations and to gain meaningful
employment.<br />
<br />
They need to be able to socialize with others besides their husbands. We
encouraged my father to help her find employment. She is working now and
probably understands 50 percent of what I say if I'm not speaking jargon.<br />
<br />
They need to have their own identity and have fun being themselves. We
encourage my father to allow her to be herself and not be someone she isn't or
a person who my father thinks she should be. And guess what? We learned she
likes to bowl and go cray fishing.<br />
<br />
I remember the first time she hugged me and said in Hmong to me, "I don't know
if you American children like hugs but I am going to give you one anyways."
I realized that she truly wants the same things that I do too.<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">If we turn our backs and ignore these
women who are coming here without an understanding or the opportunity to be
empowered what happens to them? They fall into this system of oppression. And
if we simply ignore them or only point out their faults we perpetuate this
system.<br />
<br />
So I ask you, how many of you know a young woman in a similar situation? What
are you going to do? How have you identified yourself to being an ally to them?
And what are going to say to their husbands? And lastly, who are you in your
journey? We all have to take personal accountability in reducing oppression
within our community.</span></div>
HWAThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02753287711012488696noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-10467627310967434432013-10-20T22:43:00.000-05:002013-10-20T22:46:26.029-05:00<h2>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
Stay-at-home Dad</span></h2>
<h4>
By Anonymous</h4>
<div>
My partner and I are becoming
more serious and thinking about our future. For the past few months, we've been
talking about marriage and our thoughts on starting a life together. One day,
as we're having our usual conversations, without thinking or properly framing
my thoughts, I blurted out, "I want you to be a stay at home dad!" As
I watched his eyes bewilder and confusion spread across his face, I realized
this was more threatening then what I really meant. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<br />
As supportive, progressive and understanding as he can be, staying at home and
taking care of our child(ren) is still very much a women's job. It took two
different conversations to help him see where I was coming from and be
comfortable enough to support my suggestion of our roles. Even though he
initially didn't receive the idea very well, he was completely on board after
our talk. He even volunteered himself for all sorts of household
responsibilities. My partner was more ecstatic than I was about taking care of
kids and doing house work! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
You see, the expectations from
cultural and patriarchal systems was instilled so deep in him, his aspiration
was never explored or flourished. As I give him a supportive space to share his
thoughts and ideas on family planning, I'm realizing what a great partner he is
and a much better "stay at home parent" than I can ever muster up to
be! Upon our conversation, I learned that he's very creative, discipline,
family-oriented and has a strong desire to be more than the financial provider
for our child(ren). It was interesting to me, watching him carefully unravel
his family planning ideas as he also tries to balance the stigma and
compromises he would have to make with his masculine image.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of course, I also compromised and offered him my support by
validating that he is still "working" and contributing to our family
even if he's not the bread winner. We don't know what our future holds and what
situation we may come across but at the moment, this family plan seems to best
fit us. If anything shall arise and the situation flips, where I need time at home
and he needs to go out and work, we're also willing to do so. I'm so thankful
he can see pass the expectations and willingly take up a bigger role. His
willingness and unconditional support is the kind we need from more partners. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
I don't believe women are
better housewives and my partner is one example of many. I can't help but
wonder, how many male partners would be comfortable with the idea of being a
stay at home dad if they were given a system of support? How many women would
be supportive of their partner if they wanted to be the stay at home parent
instead?</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I'd love to hear other thoughts! </div>
HWAThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02753287711012488696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-47251844699311191302013-09-13T16:58:00.000-05:002013-09-13T16:58:52.066-05:00Ode to the Hmong Man in My life
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<h2 class="MsoNormal">
By Nou Yang </h2>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I work on being a catalyst to improve the lives of Hmong
women in Hnub Tshiab: Hmong Women Achieving Together, I can’t help but reflect
on the events and the people who were the catalyst that propelled me to be who
I am today, one of whom is my older brother Lee.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My brother Lee is among one of the youngest members of the
leadership team of the Yang clan. He became active in the Yang clan several
years after he and my sister-in-law started having children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To my family, Lee represents more than just a
member of the family clan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, by
being a member of the leadership team he helps manage, resolve and is privy to
family issues like marriages, funerals and how the clan uses money that is collected
from clan family members.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>More
importantly, he represents the voice of my immediate family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You see, my father died a long time ago and
since his death we have not had a seat at the table, so to speak, where the
elders make decisions about our community.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Before Lee was considered mature enough to be invited to the leadership
table, my mother was not included in clan level decisions. In fact, my family
moved from Nebraska to Wisconsin just to be in proximity to the next of kin
elders from the Yang clan.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However, to me he was a leader before he became part of the
Yang clan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was instrumental in
helping my mother and I listen long enough to shift our perspectives in order
to better understand one another.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As a
Hmong girl growing up in the midst of mainstream culture, I struggled with who
I was as an individual versus who my mother wanted me to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I wanted to go to college far away from
home and my mother said “no” because I was a girl, it was my brother who helped
me understand that I didn’t need to go 2-3 hours away from home to go to a
great school, learn, and explore who I want to become.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I would come home late and get scolded
by my mother who was waiting up for me, my brother would help my mother
understand I needed to study at the library.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Lee, thank you for helping to keep the peace at home.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Growing up, Lee knew how hard life was for our mother, who
was raising us up by herself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He knew
how little voice and respect my mother had because there was no “man of the
house.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even as a high school student,
to me he was half brother, half father figure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I didn’t know when and how his role started to transition from just
being a young man to being involved in clan leadership, but it seemed to happen
over night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I believe he just started to
step up because no one else was stepping up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My mom needed him to step up to represent our voices and like it or not
he did. Lee, thank you for carrying the burden of our entire immediate family
on your shoulders. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Lee, thank you for being the Hmong man that you are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are always an advocate for the Hmong
women in your life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank you for
encouraging me through college. Thank you for believing in me when I have felt
I could not continue. Thank you for helping me understand Hmong culture more.
Thank you for being you: compassionate, patient, thoughtful, reflective, an
ally, brother, father, and inspiration.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You are the wonderful Hmong man in my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could not be here today without you. </div>
HWAThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02753287711012488696noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-85782921139446119842013-09-08T20:09:00.002-05:002013-09-08T20:14:02.985-05:00<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<h3>
<b>Strength of a mother</b></h3>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<h4>
By Maly Lee</h4>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
Imagine learning that your only two children have been
diagnosed with an incurable genetic disorder. Now, imagine both of them
developing leukemia and needing bone marrow transplants at the same time. This
is the reality of Mai Nhia Moua. Until one year ago, the name Fanconi Anemia
wasn't even in her vocabulary, but now it's a nightmare that she is unable to
awaken from.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Her oldest child, Dakota, had always dealt with bloody
noses. These were not your everyday bloody noses. Dakota's nose would bleed for
hours on end until she was bleeding from her eyes as well. More than once she
needed blood transfusions from losing so much blood all due to a bloody nose.
Wanting more answers for their daughter, Mai Nhia and her husband sought a
genetic test. It came back positive for Fanconi Anemia. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The parents were in shock after researching more about this
illness. Why them? Why their children? What did they do for this to happen?
Questions weighed heavily on them. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They soon found out that Peyton, their younger child, also
had Fanconi Anemia. Peyton's dad is in the Army and a few times was not able to
be with them during this hard time so Mai Nhia felt alone. She had a very
supportive family, but no one who truly understood what she was feeling and
going through. Yet she persevered. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She sought and advocated daily for the best treatment for
her children in between working as an elementary teacher. Many were telling her
to continue to ua neeb, but she knew her children needed more than spiritual
help. There were days that she couldn't keep her eyes open and days where it
seemed they'd never dry from all the tears she wept. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Earlier this year, after Peyton's bone marrow biopsy, they
learned some horrific news. Peyton needed a bone marrow transplant immediately.
Before long, they were engulfed in the transplant process. Not too long after,
Dakota had a severely bloody nose. Her blood counts had dropped far below
comfort. She, too, would be in need of an immediate bone marrow transplant.
Their parents were heartbroken, but determination and hope was on their side.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To the present: Peyton had his bone marrow transplant almost
two months ago and Mai Nhia was by his side. He's doing remarkably well and was
even walking just a few days after his transplant. Now it is Dakota's turn and,
like the loving mother that she is, Mai Nhia shaved her head for her daughter. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mai Nhia and her family's story will not be over when Dakota
is healed from transplant. Fanconi Anemia has no cure and there's no telling
what it will throw at them next, but I have a feeling they'll stand up to fight
again and again and never give up.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mai Nhia, you're one of the bravest mothers that I know. You have a lot of strength inside you and your love for your children should be written in textbooks. Don't let your mind ever start to make you doubt yourself. I love you all!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjidbvI_gRCphmDx-Mu3O6zjJ4y77dm7yaR8ELTvZV7yEKDVny4QMx1eUfYEgdxe7nfdDONkjeP_QvSLe1nLh5gvo5TpWx9WBiLceay5MLcBkacUDkLgasjQvox6fOPhimJXMu43AsBYTk/s1600/Maly.Blog.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjidbvI_gRCphmDx-Mu3O6zjJ4y77dm7yaR8ELTvZV7yEKDVny4QMx1eUfYEgdxe7nfdDONkjeP_QvSLe1nLh5gvo5TpWx9WBiLceay5MLcBkacUDkLgasjQvox6fOPhimJXMu43AsBYTk/s320/Maly.Blog.jpg" width="239" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
HWAThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02753287711012488696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-89080152603368202992013-05-14T12:24:00.000-05:002013-05-14T13:49:08.208-05:00Courageous Woman Award - Bo Thao UrabeCongratulation to Bo Thao-Urabe for winning the Augsburg College Courageous Woman Award. <br />
<br />
Watch and read her acceptance speech.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Acceptance Speech for Courageous Woman Award - Accepted on Bo's Behalf, her sister May Thao.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
April 4, 2013 <span style="background: white; color: #454545; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">at Augsburg College,
</span><span style="background: white; color: #444444; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Minneapolis, <span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">MN</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am sorry I could not be there with you all. I am
incredibly honored and humbled to be named as a Courageous Woman Award winner,
because throughout my life there have been many moments when I did not feel
courageous. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I cried in the jungles of Laos even though my mother
told us to be still and quiet fearing we’d be discovered by Communist soldiers
and killed. When I came out of school one day only to discover that someone had
painted “GOOK” all over my car bumper; I was angry but didn’t report it. When
my aunt came over to my home many years ago for safety with fresh fingerprint
bruises on her throat, but I did not call the police because it was my uncle
who did it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
These types of experiences have shaped me and have helped me
to understand that unless I act and do differently things are not going to
change.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I can
say that as I reflect on my own life so far and that of my community, I know
that it is the strength of women that have made survival possible for many. But
surviving is not thriving. And today, so many women and children are not
thriving in our communities. I look around and those who are poorest, least
valued, and most oppressed are women and children. Why is this? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I ask
myself, “What can I do today to change conditions for women and children? How
can I help meet the needs, but push for a future that I’ve never known where
women’s gifts, talents, and leadership are developed and fully embraced?”By
honing in on these questions, it’s allowed me to act more quickly and to keep
going no matter how hard because that which I dream is yet to be realized.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So,
thank you to the Augsburg Women’s Resource Center for this recognition. While
it feels strange to be awarded for merely doing what I can when so many are
suffering, I accept this award because I now know I have your support and together
we can build bridges that will help us make greater progress for all women.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I also want
to thank my husband and family for their support, as well as thank Kaohly Her for
nominating me. Her support and friendship through the years has been a gift,
and now her leadership as the first Executive Director of Hmong Women Achieving
Together must be supported by all of us.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Again,
thank you.</span></div>
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<![endif]-->HWAThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02753287711012488696noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-59931931624614768882013-02-21T12:46:00.000-06:002013-02-21T12:54:14.752-06:00Are you having a boy or a girl?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYB0nkrZ92jf-8r1GdrQ6z5wn5tiEGmpjVowjmklQcHyiyd-QMHFSraeTYgo8J4fn2tzEKeHfU3_PnezTaSpQzypsW6hVfobqQC5OAh6K7_UabUXPTGazB73VOY7MWJMZPZygWXt3KLPM/s1600/MP900442378.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYB0nkrZ92jf-8r1GdrQ6z5wn5tiEGmpjVowjmklQcHyiyd-QMHFSraeTYgo8J4fn2tzEKeHfU3_PnezTaSpQzypsW6hVfobqQC5OAh6K7_UabUXPTGazB73VOY7MWJMZPZygWXt3KLPM/s320/MP900442378.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As a Hmong woman, this incident was so normal that I didn’t
think to share it at all but when I shared it with my non-Hmong friends it
completely shocked them. Since we have many non-Hmong readers I thought I would
share this very ordinary encounter. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was at my nephew’s birthday party when my sister’s
mother-in-law asked me whether I was having a boy or a girl. I told her we’ll
find out in a few weeks. I already have two daughters so she told me that if
this baby wasn’t a boy, there are Hmong herbs I can take to guarantee a boy the
next time around. I told her this was going to be the last baby, whether it’s a
boy or a girl. She said, “If you don’t have a boy your husband will go marry a
second wife”. Statements like these don’t personally bother me so I simply
said, “That’s fine” and ended the conversation. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My non-Hmong friends asked me if it was even possible for a Hmong
man to marry a second wife. Yes, it is.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rather than educate the mother-in-law on the scientific
details of how the sex of the baby is determined or argue with her (at my
nephew’s 6 year birthday party) I chose to ignore her statement and show her that
the possibility of having another baby girl or my husband marrying a second
wife does not intimidate me. To women who may not be so confident, it’s a
reason for them to keep having babies until they have a boy or to be open to
the idea of their husband marrying a second wife. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hmong women can be the harshest critics of Hmong women. This
is just the way we were brought up. I try to catch my sisters, my friends, and
myself when I resort to these types of statements but it takes an enormous
amount of awareness to catch these statements-they’re so ingrained in us. If we
tried a little harder to avoid degrading statements that put down our self-worth,
we can all take a step closer to empowering ourselves and our fellow Hmong
sisters. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">Mai Vang </span></div>
HWAThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02753287711012488696noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-24994890822978632202013-02-12T13:18:00.000-06:002013-02-12T13:21:29.016-06:00Letter to My Younger Self<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
January 2013</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dear Destiny, my Younger Self,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I want to tell you how great of a person you’ve become.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>GREAT, meaning how you’ve grown personally,
professionally and emotionally.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember the time when all that mattered was friends,
clothes and money.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Friends whose
opinions changed your actions, clothes that defined who you were and working to
only buy what you want and not necessarily what you needed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Family was a means to shelter and not a means
for love and support.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Education was
where you excelled but not a place for strengthening your mind but as a place
for you to build friendships and relationships that didn’t last.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At the same time, you were strong where no
one was able to break you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are smart
ad honest and had no problem sharing your honesty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your biggest advocates, your parents—even
though you didn’t realize it at the time, had shaped you to become a woman who is
loving, caring, passionate, stronger than ever and resilient in all things.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because of your strength and resilience you experience the
gift of life with grace and the experience of death with insight giving
yourself and siblings the power to move forward.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because of your sincerity you bring to your family the value
of honoring one another and accepting others for who they are and not what
people think or want them to be.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because of your passion for life you create an energy that
exudes positivity and empowerment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your
words of courage gives others hope and a viewpoint that allows them to explore
opportunities not just options.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While sometimes you are too hard on yourself, your “can do”
attitude keeps you driven.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Furthermore
it helps you push people outside of their comfort zone to create a greater
understanding and awareness of the unknown and possibilities.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All the bad, horrible, ugly and great, beautiful things that
have and will happen in lif<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8888833577333209721" name="_GoBack"></a>e will only make things more
challenging and yet better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But as
always, you are ready for a challenge and ready to fight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Remember its okay to cry the tears of pain
but celebrate the achievements of yourself and others.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As you continue to grow and learn about yourself know that
discovery never ends and with all said and done—at the end of the day it’s YOU
that makes the difference in who you become.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Learning comes in all shapes and size from old to young and vice versa.
If at any time you begin to doubt yourself, feel free to call me to put you in
check</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Your Older Self, Destiny Xiong.</div>
HWAThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02753287711012488696noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-74998444047365396732013-01-05T22:34:00.001-06:002013-01-05T22:34:30.021-06:00WHEN WILL MISCONCEPTIONS OF HMONG/HMONG AMERICAN WOMEN STOP BEING PERPETUATED?<div class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirsqnnq-p71UNUqxug0XbckPV2b7wOqBz8bBeTs9NYykO_y1cIAdEATuPAVQqDLebKhltvTc6CG0iEPw-35AfsV1h0YrW8LLE43fNuJ7jHsBebBDkyVwXXWXuZMOAqrAccGCYcZP-DWpQ/s1600/Sophia+Vue+Lo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirsqnnq-p71UNUqxug0XbckPV2b7wOqBz8bBeTs9NYykO_y1cIAdEATuPAVQqDLebKhltvTc6CG0iEPw-35AfsV1h0YrW8LLE43fNuJ7jHsBebBDkyVwXXWXuZMOAqrAccGCYcZP-DWpQ/s320/Sophia+Vue+Lo.jpg" width="192" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sophia Vue Lo</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">I am reading the book Committed, thinking it was just another book by
Elizabeth Gilbert (author of Eat, Pray, Love). This book is a follow up
to the author's real life journey to finding love in this world. <br /> <br />
Initially the book reads just like the usual romance novel about every
women's search to know thyself better. Then things turn in the book
when she comes across a small group of Hmong women who live in the high
mountains of Southeast Asia. She is curious by the marriage system in
their culture, and spends time talking to this remote tribe of people,
hoping to learn more about what it means to be a "married Hmong women."<br /> <br /> And this was her simple conclusion; "I would not trade lives with those [Hmong] women." <br /> <br />
How does this author have the audacity to make such a statement about
an entire group of people that she barely knew anything about or fully
understand? The author clearly did not appreciate my people and our
vast, enriching and complex lives.</span></span></div>
<div class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<br /></div>
<div class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">By Sophia Vue Lo </span></span></div>
HWAThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02753287711012488696noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-54462673624741528972012-11-26T14:43:00.001-06:002012-11-30T13:14:40.147-06:00Doing What I am Suppose to with the Help of Hnub Tshiab's Hmong Women's Leadership Institute (HWLI)<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Before joining HWAT I was a stay at home mom for 6 years. I
stayed home because my husband and I had our first child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our child had special health care needs and
disability with the diagnosis of Trisomy 13. This led me down a path of many
self struggles and eventually leading me off the track of whom and how I really
was. I lost all confidence in myself.<br />
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<br /></div>
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In 2010, my husband I had our fourth child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was diagnosed with Anencephaly, another
genetic disorder.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was nothing in
the world we could have done to prevent it as it occurs randomly and can happen
to anyone. Having been shunned by everyone for many years for having special
needs children I had no confidence in myself nor believed this cause would lead
me anywhere. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After his birth and passing
I knew I had to do something about special needs and disabilities in the Hmong
community. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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Honestly, I was hesitant to join HWAT because I felt as
though I was not good enough to sit next to prestigious Hmong women. I then
learned that we are all ordinary Hmong women fighting our own battles whiles being
prestigious in our own ways. With the help of HWAT I gained the strength I
needed to believe in myself. I gain the support of my Hmong women peers which
gave me the boost I desperately needed. I was able to identify my identity
within my Hmong community as well as my main stream community. </div>
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<br /></div>
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All in all, I would not be here crusading my cause and
awareness of special needs and disability in my community without HAWT.
Although, it is just me fighting this cause at the moment, it feels as though I
am not alone because I have the support of many Hmong women standing behind me,
supporting and believing in me.</div>
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<br /></div>
Thank you for letting me share my story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">Please help spread
this cause to families and friends that may need it. I have been working hard. I was able to get Senator Hoffman to believe in this cause. Special
Thanks Hnub Tshiab for giving me that kick in the butt to do what I am doing now.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">PaNyia Yang Vang.</span><br />
<a name='more'></a>HWAThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02753287711012488696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-78881158997090117172012-11-05T12:09:00.003-06:002012-11-05T12:11:04.064-06:00Application to Date?<div class="ecxMsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEispsHtZ0U628vyK7YhXW3WgKBktCjvKAj5Ky411m0mw7yJq6p-pMPiiiLugy4inaINox7fgglX0RU0FeRlC8BmXASBnH2gY-TMJDg4djiyLVXFnUzVGd82dDhRKbEj-3jUuJXAVHcb_6U/s1600/application.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEispsHtZ0U628vyK7YhXW3WgKBktCjvKAj5Ky411m0mw7yJq6p-pMPiiiLugy4inaINox7fgglX0RU0FeRlC8BmXASBnH2gY-TMJDg4djiyLVXFnUzVGd82dDhRKbEj-3jUuJXAVHcb_6U/s400/application.bmp" width="265" /></a><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">The
HWAT blog post from 10/30/12 reminded me of something I created for
suitors for my daughter. I told my daughter that she could start dating
at 15 years of age and now that she has reached that age, we are
terrified. My coworker found an application for a boyfriend online and
my daughter gave it to a boy who wanted to date her. He was brave
enough to fill out the application. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">For laughs, I actually wrote this
letter in response but did not have the heart to give it to him. My
daughters are so valuable to me that I will not require a bride price
when either of them get married. If I had to decide on a bride price for
my daughter, it would be close to something like this. Enjoy – please
remember this is for laughs so read it light heartedly.</span></div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Thank you for your application for permission to date my daughter. Your application has been DENIED.</span></div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">We will not keep your application in our files. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Please feel free to re-apply after you have met the following criteria:</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Graduated from an accredited institution with a bachelor’s degree and a GPA of 3.7 or better</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Graduated from an accredited institution in a respectable field</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Generating an annual income of $75,000 or more in a job that is not illegal</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Are in generally good health (please provide form from doctor)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Have gained a deep respect for your mother and sisters</span></li>
</ul>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">If you are traditional Hmong we would require a bride-price for the following expenses:</span></div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Grade school activities $ 10,000</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Camps and fun activities $ 5,000</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Braces for her perfect smile $ 6,000</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Ivy league college education <u>$200,000</u></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"> </span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"> $221,000</span><br />
<div class="ecxMsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">If
you have any questions regarding the application process or your DENIAL
status, don’t contact us. Thank you and best of luck to you</span>.</div>
HWAThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02753287711012488696noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-31165942838099020682012-10-30T12:53:00.004-05:002012-10-30T13:00:39.004-05:00Bride Price<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK1X_63EaJe5s-FnyMPdbq1We4L7MAA8uTiy7nOb-ybG1aBf6EQMJ-ZYl_Pvodj0an8Gs8pPuXClQ99nFIq_V7op2sqT166bQEQdNzg07ShDNDg-qv1Qzie9xLM-sEnxOVj9FINKYSlfc/s1600/Money+Stack.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK1X_63EaJe5s-FnyMPdbq1We4L7MAA8uTiy7nOb-ybG1aBf6EQMJ-ZYl_Pvodj0an8Gs8pPuXClQ99nFIq_V7op2sqT166bQEQdNzg07ShDNDg-qv1Qzie9xLM-sEnxOVj9FINKYSlfc/s320/Money+Stack.bmp" width="320" /></a> </div>
Yes, I knew that my father was much more progressive than
most Hmong men.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t know it while I
was growing up but I later learned that my father broke with traditions with
how he and my mother choose to raise their daughters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My parents instilled traditional Hmong values
in their children but they were progressive in all other ways.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even with this knowledge, when I got married
and my parents did not ask for a bride price, I have to say I was a little bit
upset.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Quite upset actually.<br />
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<br /></div>
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I was going into this marriage with a college education, a
car, a good job and $10,000 which I had saved up myself for my wedding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By all accounts of what I had heard, my fiancé
at that time should have paid at least $10,000 for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Okay, let’s take a step back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I understand the traditional meaning for a
bride price.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And yes, I understand that
this made women seem like a commodity that could be bought and owned but in this
day and age, it seemed to me that the bride price had come to symbolize
something much different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The more
valuable you were as a woman, the more contribution you could make to your
husband’s family, the more they were willing to ensure your love and care with
a large dowry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean I had a friend in college
who was doing her residency when she got married and her husband paid $20,000
for her. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Girls with bachelor’s degree,
those girl’s <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>in-laws were willing to insure
their son’s offspring’s intellectual security by paying tens of thousands of
dollars for girls with this level of education.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had been a good, faithful Hmong daughter who turned down
job offers in other states to return home to live with my parents after
college.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did not party nor did I date
many men.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When my fiancé wanted to marry
me I did not follow him home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I honored
my parents by having his family bring elders to ask for my hand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had friends and relatives who had daughters
who were considered “bad” girls, they ditched school, dated, played, and
disrespected their families and elders and those girl’s families were asking
for an average bride price of $5,000.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What did that make me?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could
not help but feel like my father did not think I was worth anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As much as the elders pushed my parents to
take a dowry (and there was history between the families in which my father and
clan would have been in the right to punish my fiancé’s family), my parent’s
refused.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt even more upset when the
$10,000 I had saved was counted as assets my parents gave to me to start my new
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Was I wrong for being upset?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">By Anonymous </span></div>
HWAThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02753287711012488696noreply@blogger.com34tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-43411517735066857212012-10-08T13:31:00.002-05:002012-10-08T13:38:27.703-05:00The Hardest Decision I Have Ever Made<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiDw38mOa0I-fUajC0QwcGm1nQGdYcO3D_gpbXiI6jAWp0OP6jZE6u241jgbp1OqEGEZrkkTKixWfuF6vsJ_SzfSyRVyJEGCK6E_9lmVqG5eI9AymU5kisycQQBPxeRot3x3lh2k66jWc/s1600/Fetus+Clip+Art.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiDw38mOa0I-fUajC0QwcGm1nQGdYcO3D_gpbXiI6jAWp0OP6jZE6u241jgbp1OqEGEZrkkTKixWfuF6vsJ_SzfSyRVyJEGCK6E_9lmVqG5eI9AymU5kisycQQBPxeRot3x3lh2k66jWc/s320/Fetus+Clip+Art.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I was 18 years old and facing a decision that could have insurmountable consequences. Something I never anticipate at this stage of my life. I was a sophomore in college and living away from home. I was pursing my life goal of higher education and building the foundation for the affluent life I had always dreamed of. Additionally, I had embarked on my first relationship. I adored my boyfriend. He was loving, smart, ambitious, and almost done with college. My life seemed perfect. </div>
<br />
You see, after spring break of 1992 I found out that I was pregnant. I was confused and scared. I talked to my boyfriend about what to do. I sought counseling with a therapist and a pastor. I weighed the pros and cons. After crying for many days I decided that I was too young to care for a child. Ever since I was a young girl I dreamed of the type of mother I wanted to be to my future children. If I had a child now I would never be able to give this the child the life I wanted for it. My boyfriend did ask me to marry him but I knew that if we did so the chance I would complete college was very slim. I was not disillusioned about what it would take to be a good Hmong daughter-in-law. Ashamed of myself and fearful of the loss of face I would bring on my family I decided to terminate the pregnancy. <br />
<br />
Sometimes late at night I would imagine this tiny, little one inch fetus, walk through my door asking me why I took its life. Why I denied it the chance to experience life. I thought the feeling of being ashamed would end once the pregnancy was over but that was far from reality. I felt even more guilt when people would rave about how good my parent’s daughters were. I felt like such an imposter and fraud. I hated myself for deceiving people.<br />
<br />
The guilt and aftermath ultimately undermined my relationship and the educational goal I had for myself. Although my boyfriend never stopped loving me, the wedge this event created was too great for us to overcome. For him, I was no longer the pure, flawless and innocent girl he fell in love with. For me, I could never look at him without being reminded of the decision I had made. Unable to reconcile the emotional trauma, I ended the relationship. Furthermore, I was on academic probation and was endangered of being kicked out of school. I pushed away my friends and family. I was lonely, damaged and broken. <br />
<br />
As time went on I feared I would have to spend the rest of my life alone and decided the solution was to never tell my secret to anyone and marry the next suitable man who would ask for my hand. Not long after coming to this conclusion I was faced with the decision to marry an educated, kind man from a respectable and well known family. It was at this point in time that I finally had to face all that was wrong in my life. For the first time in years I had clarity. For one, I realized that I should never do to someone else what I would not want to have done to me. I could not deceive this wonderful man who wanted to love me and start a life with me about who I really was. Secondly, how could anyone fully love me if I did not love myself? Finally, I came to understand that my worth and value was not tied to a man and being married. <br />
<br />
Though I did not have the courage to reveal my secret to this man I did tell him that I did not love him and that he deserved to marry a woman who would love him for all his wonderful qualities. This one act of honesty was my first step to recovery. I started self reflecting, solidifying my values, being honest with my emotions, dealing with the pressures of the roles and responsibilities of being a Hmong woman, accepting people without judgment, coming to terms with my decision, and discontinuing self loathing. Out of this dark time emerged a much stronger, more insightful, and compassionate human being. <br />
<br />
It took a great deal of time, much forgiving, choosing to be alone, and working with those who were less fortunate to really value the wonderful and amazing life that God had given me. Bettering myself brought amazing people into my life and those people would eventually help shape me into the person I am today.<br />
<br />
I eventually finished my graduate degree, married a successfully and loving Hmong man who accepts me for all of my flaws, built a successful career, and I have a beautiful family. I speak to my children often about self worth, self respect, and striving to always learn and grow as a human being. I teach them that there is no mistake worth throwing your life away for and no problem too great to share with your parents. There is help and resources out there for everything and every situation.<br />
<br />
It has now been 20 years since I made this decision and I still think about this unborn child. What I don’t have any more is I no longer see this tiny fetus walking through the door asking for answers. I have forgiven myself and accepted that I made the best decision I could at the time. Looking back, I do not regret the decision that I made. My life would have ended very differently had I decided to keep the baby. I have learned that all of my experiences, good or bad, has made me a better person. I have also learned that one experience does not define who we are but it is how we deal with the adversities in our life that builds our character and that I am thankful for.HWAThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02753287711012488696noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-23436012920656731012012-05-14T11:38:00.000-05:002012-05-14T11:51:48.985-05:00Mentor of a Different Gender<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJzOY4O7NgJGovLcxQXanATezKt9f8MBePFXV_M-ztKhxY7PyImJ7foGkMLRAMpMs4rV-TFdoWlDPzpQTTnrYqNm4ugW1yFUMb9wd_T9h85C0hZETbMRjQCVJL4qeSi9o2000QHv4QiEc/s1600/Man_Woman+Mentor.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJzOY4O7NgJGovLcxQXanATezKt9f8MBePFXV_M-ztKhxY7PyImJ7foGkMLRAMpMs4rV-TFdoWlDPzpQTTnrYqNm4ugW1yFUMb9wd_T9h85C0hZETbMRjQCVJL4qeSi9o2000QHv4QiEc/s320/Man_Woman+Mentor.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
One of our readers sent the following thoughts: <br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
As a Hmong professional woman, I look to mentors to show me
the ropes and to guide me as I aspire to create change in the world. However,
as I look around I notice that all my mentors are women. I started to wonder,
who are the men mentors in my life? The answer to my question: I do not have
any Hmong men mentors in my life. The closet men mentors in my life are not
Hmong, but even so, those men are not truly mentors, but colleagues. So I
wonder, as Hmong women, can we have Hmong men as mentors (Hmong men who are not
related to us)? As Hmong women, how do become mentors to Hmong men and boys?
Are there perceptions of a mentoring relationship between a man and woman? If
so, what are the perceptions of these relationships?<br />
<br />
Attached is a link to an article by Robin Madell of The Glass Hammer that discusses the pros and cons of having a male or female mentor. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.theglasshammer.com/news/2012/03/28/does-gender-matter-when-it-comes-to-your-mentor/" target="_blank">http://www.theglasshammer.com/news/2012/03/28/does-gender-matter-when-it-comes-to-your-mentor/</a> </div>HWAThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02753287711012488696noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-80303766514052185762012-05-09T12:11:00.004-05:002012-05-09T12:12:28.813-05:00Struggling<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifPAw6JIBGTOjrYrZFOlaKs7ipGmpFKzXD8TkwH0Y8oyPjrDR1YXwg6OcUqr2X1M0XcYuEFG64NTqkM3TNrPojJkwdIY7RrWUDrh7_JmP3G3wdIJ3fQ3EW3omnDvqvhrkLtmmcKkoJXqA/s1600/Struggling.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifPAw6JIBGTOjrYrZFOlaKs7ipGmpFKzXD8TkwH0Y8oyPjrDR1YXwg6OcUqr2X1M0XcYuEFG64NTqkM3TNrPojJkwdIY7RrWUDrh7_JmP3G3wdIJ3fQ3EW3omnDvqvhrkLtmmcKkoJXqA/s320/Struggling.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "Garamond","serif"; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 115%;">I've been struggling with this for a while and I'm not sure
how to address it anymore. I feel like I'm constantly "beating the dead
horse," and I hope to gain a different perspective by sharing. I know that
the definition of being a feminist and Hmong woman is different for everyone. I
also know that with every new generation perspectives and the definition will
change again.<br />
<br />
What I am struggling with is living with a strong young Hmong woman who is very
different from me, my nyab. My youngest brother and nyab married two years ago
when he was 16 and she was 14. They were very young- everyone opposed their
marriage but the men in both families agreed and proceeded with the wedding
anyways. They started out like any young couple, very loving and attached to
each other but eventually faced the reality of a marriage life. I immediately
saw the changes in both their personality and marriage. Through their
struggles, I gave emotional and mental support to my nyab. I did not have a
relationship with her prior to their marriage so I'm getting to know her
through all this. My brother, on the other hand, was an introvert and he
distant himself from the family every time they come across a dip in their
marriage therefore we just gave him his space. <br />
<br />
My first impression of my nyab, she was very mature for her age. For a while I
thought she was my brother's age when they married and found out later that she
was much younger. Her looks and the persona she carried was very pleasing to my
parents because she came from a modern yet traditional family. It all quickly
changed, literally overnight, after a huge argument they had that almost led to
a divorce. After my brother stormed off, my nyab said she wants a divorce and
started packing her belongings. My dad and grandpa (both who agreed to the
marriage and carried it out) told her she was too impatient and that a girl who
wants to divorce her husband is shameful- she is a bad daughter for not
thinking about her father's face. For the first time, she cried out and talked
back asking them what they want her to do, she is tire of this marriage
already. My grandpa continued with his lecture in front of the whole family as
everyone stayed silent. <br />
<br />
Seeing her in pain, I walked up to her and calmed her down. For the first time
ever, I hugged her and told her not to leave yet and wait for my brother to
return and they can talk this out. She cried even harder when I put my hand
over her head and comfort her. After this incident, my dad and grandpa suddenly
changed their attitude towards my brother and nyab. In addition, the dynamic in
their relationship has changed. My nyab "wear the pants" in their
marriage now and stays in their room more. She talks back to the elders and
I've heard her complain about the family more. I realized they both bought a
mini fridge for their room and rarely join the family for dinner. It has gotten
to the point where I feel like they have distant themselves from our family. <br />
<br />
My mom is a very strong supporter for them. She is not always around when these
incidents happens but she always give advices and offer her support to my nyab.
My mother and I realize early on that she is very young, indeed, and may not
know how to navigate through the different identities she has. Though I was
raised in a traditional Hmong household, my mother is a strong Hmong woman and
through her love and guidance I've learned to be the woman I am today. I'm
outspoken and independent, however, at the same time I know the cultural
structure enough to compromise myself with it. We've given so much support for
my nyab so she can feel empowered and have autonomy but it all seems to
backfire. <br />
<br />
As a feminist and Hmong woman, I understand that we all don't have the same
views but we should support one another. My nyab is a high achiever,
strong-minded, smart and bright young woman. However, the other day she
commented that she is "sick and tire of my mom" with no particular
reason. It hurts me because (1) it's my mom (2) my mom is one of the few smart
and strong Hmong woman I know out there and (3) my mom is the sole supporter
for their marriage. It breaks me that my nyab doesn't see it and does not
appreciate all that my mother does for them. <br />
<br />
I started to take note of these changes, I'm not simply picking on her but
these small things have made a big impact on my family that I cannot ignore. I
tried to understand and address this as best as I could. First, I thought about
what we can do as a family- we don't have the best family dynamic but we all do
make an effort to check-in with each other everyday. Secondly, I know she is
young and is currently in high school- her friends and environment can
influence her personality and character but that does not mean that she can
behave as such towards her family (us). Third, we're all not perfect, I can
understand when she's mad or agitated by someone for something but constant
"smack talking" about someone is something I cannot and will not
tolerate. I do not wish to change her, turn her into a feminist or anything, I
just want her to understand that she is apart of the family now and you don't
treat family members that way. I don't know if she realizes that it hurts me
when she talks to me about my brother, dad or mom. <br />
<br />
I've been thinking a lot and now I'm starting to ask, am I being too harsh for
holding her against the standards of being a Hmong daughter-in-law while being
a feminist myself? Is there a bigger picture I'm missing out on? Am I too
emotionally invested?</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond","serif"; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 115%;">By Anonymous </span></div>HWAThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02753287711012488696noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-8720521716884354362012-04-30T14:50:00.003-05:002012-04-30T14:51:14.344-05:00Inequality of Gender From Birth<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-axdkXRdvBP-VcKplWt64g1vzYvHYUbszZ1OLfr-4vSoLH10iTqY-hk_YvyG7na8A47XT3fPVwE2CaMUh0RNAOL86F22FmpdhcsaYLRONtkGmr84mlBy__gUUI8ki8CZPvYUillzIEm8/s1600/Hmong+Woman+Carrying+Baby.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-axdkXRdvBP-VcKplWt64g1vzYvHYUbszZ1OLfr-4vSoLH10iTqY-hk_YvyG7na8A47XT3fPVwE2CaMUh0RNAOL86F22FmpdhcsaYLRONtkGmr84mlBy__gUUI8ki8CZPvYUillzIEm8/s1600/Hmong+Woman+Carrying+Baby.bmp" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Gap in equality of gender
exists in many countries and cultures around the world. In the Hmong culture, gender relations exist
from the moment of birth. Access to
education is the key to economic progress for Hmong families regardless of
which country they reside in.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">This following was taken from
a paper written by Peng Xuefang, “Sociocultural
Perspectives on Gender Relations of the Hmong in Thailand”.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">The Hmong gender relations and traditional culture are inseparable. </span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">In Hmong traditional society, gender
inequality begins at birth with the burial of the placenta. T</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">he burial of placentas signifies the distinction between the males and
females.</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> Men are
considered superior to women. For a traditional
Hmong woman, her value lies in being a good girl, a good wife, a good mother
and mother-in-law, and a good grandmother. To meet these demands, the traditional Hmong
women are faced with many social requisites, including those from the family,
clan, and village. Meanwhile, the Hmong
women have a limited voice in the affairs of their society outside of the
responsibilities in the home, and consequently, limited power in
decision-making. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b>The<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">
</b>Hmong women’s disadvantage was often associated with their lack of
education. Hence, the best way to improve
gender equality was to raise the women’s educational level. </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">“The<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b>status
of women has been assessed by measures of economic security, educational
opportunities, access to birth control and medical care, degree of
self-determination, participation in public and political life, power to make
decision in the family, and physical safety” (Wade and Tavris, 1999:18). Since</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt;"> the traditional
subsistence economy of the Hmong has undergone
changes, factors such as education, information, new kinds of crops, and a
strong engagement with the market economy have transformed the Hmong way of
earning a living. The </span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Hmong women are no longer restricted within the
private sphere of family. They are now actively involved in business and play an
important role in economic development. They also participate in
decision-making in the family and community.
</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">However, the bargaining power of each woman varies
because of different conditions. For
illiterate women,</span> they </i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">might not think much about power, but rather emphasize
traditional gender ideologies or moral norms concerning gender relations. Their status has not changed much, since
power and control remains mostly in their husbands' hands. For educated younger women, their social
status is undergoing a great change since they have brought home new concepts regarding
gender roles. It is apparent that women’s
education and related income-earnings help improve gender equity. </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Although the Hmong have retained many aspects of their identity and culture,
it is inevitable that changing
gender roles may become points of conflict between the men and women, and
between the generations.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b> However, the modern Hmong woman appears to be
integrating, with some success, their choices and roles in many areas,
including marriage, family, economic activities, and education. At the same time they are gaining some power
over decision-making within the family and community. These changes are leading to greater gender
equality for the Hmong. </span></i></div>HWAThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02753287711012488696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-71201829718403781782012-04-19T13:23:00.002-05:002012-04-23T12:09:47.433-05:00I Wish...<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhED3rEIvPuZeQVX053f3Qk-kFuC3vGH8qjf7Is2ShIvwMlzaKQw4e4Gb3mKK-TeRH0WO6gwf4AohENVtjRXmLqOoQOfJPfUWSuthNmB9HWQk-dRt6l4r6MTdHRhu-SL_6ELot_ypW8hlE/s1600/Baby+boy.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhED3rEIvPuZeQVX053f3Qk-kFuC3vGH8qjf7Is2ShIvwMlzaKQw4e4Gb3mKK-TeRH0WO6gwf4AohENVtjRXmLqOoQOfJPfUWSuthNmB9HWQk-dRt6l4r6MTdHRhu-SL_6ELot_ypW8hlE/s320/Baby+boy.bmp" width="273" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What I wish for but will never have...a boy.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As an educated Hmong woman quickly approaching middle age my outward appearance seems to indicate that I have life figured out. I am
secure in myself, my identity and the life that I have created. I have a loving and supportive Hmong husband
who is intelligent, successful and handsome. I have two lovely girls who are precocious, smart
and beautiful. So what’s the problem? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The problem is that no matter how wonderful and fulfilling my life is there
is always this little voice inside my head that tells me I have not fulfilled my
duties as a Hmong wife. I have not bore
a son for my husband and his family to carry on their name. This makes me feel like a failure. Silly, right? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know intellectually that I my eggs do not determine gender
yet emotionally, I carry the burden of not bearing a son. Truth is, my husband is really progressive
and he is the one who does not want more children. He was perfectly content with having just our oldest daughter. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We love our girls to death and never feel like our family is
missing anything by not having a boy in the mix of it all. This fact doesn’t make facing family and
friends and their questions of when we are going to have a son any easier. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I never want my girls to feel like I don’t value them but I
will always have this little corner of my heart yearning for a son. Maybe it's a misplaced yearning. Maybe I want a boy for all the wrong reasons. I wish I could reconcile those feelings in my
heart. I wish there was a way for me to
have peace about this issue. I wish… </div>HWAThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02753287711012488696noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-26496100700563301072012-04-12T11:13:00.002-05:002012-04-12T11:14:43.424-05:00Hmong Women: Princess Warriors, Community Achievers<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhchhCdcviGkcI-DlVlfsjH0td6dMw0c_7SIEwmqvc3dwqiyc_lAsBnLqEV2Qm-TxDyJgdvfGdjEoJTflQAhIphpNmYxxe2Jp8LFpteDs9heuYse3TolbRGSKJ3eugpR-IvhDyJFzZRPn4/s1600/Hmong+woman+warrior.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhchhCdcviGkcI-DlVlfsjH0td6dMw0c_7SIEwmqvc3dwqiyc_lAsBnLqEV2Qm-TxDyJgdvfGdjEoJTflQAhIphpNmYxxe2Jp8LFpteDs9heuYse3TolbRGSKJ3eugpR-IvhDyJFzZRPn4/s320/Hmong+woman+warrior.bmp" width="219" /></a>Sometimes we need a little reminder. Why? Because we forget. We all do. We forget how amazing Hmong women are. The following is a post dated June 16, 2009 from equalityquilt.org (blogging for Minnesota Women's Consortium) by Cecelia. Hmong women truly are Princess warriors.<br />
<br />
Last Thursday, June 11, I attended an event organized by <a href="http://www.hmongwomenachieve.org/home">Hmong Women Achieving Together</a>. This event, titled Hmong Women's Role in the Shaping of the Hmong, was part of a <a href="http://www.hmongwomenachieve.org/speaker_series">Speaker Series</a> "to highlight and promote the work, leadership, and contributions of Hmong women." I walked away from the event filled with a renewed admiration for Hmong women and their accomplishments (as well as a belly full of delicious food!). Keynote speaker Dr. MaiNa Lee honestly noted that yes, Hmong women have traditionally faced discrimination due to a patriarchal society. In a rich Laotian family where the sons were among the most educated in the country, the daughters were illiterate. However, this patriarchy is not inherent to Hmong culture but rather formed after conquest. Dr. Lee pointed out that in ancient Hmong society many practices were matrilineal and that both genders emerged at the same time in the Hmong creation story (so much for us women being some guy's rib!). Even in times of patriarchy, Hmong women always had a certain power. Dr. Lee told enthralling stories about princess warriors and powerful men who were only able to gain such power through marriage alliances. And now--flashfoward to the present. In Minnesota, the first Hmong to get elected to office was female, and 6 out of 10 Hmong students at the UofM are female. At this event I saw and met many strong and wonderful Hmong women. Before my very eyes I saw them working as negotiators, political brokers and community organizers: modern princess warriors. Hnub Tshiab Boardchair MayKao Hang put it beautifully by saying that although Hmong women have come far in terms of equity, many are still reconciling their role as pioneers with their family duties as daughters-in-law. There's still a long way to go.<br />
<br />
Despite the cool fact that Twin Cities landscapes favor women in burial (c'mon, that's cool), it's important to remember it's not just the western influence that has allowed for Hmong women's recent success. As Dr. MaiNa Lee stated, "Hmong women's emerging power has deep roots in Hmong society, politically, economically and socially." Don't forget those princess warriors! One story specifically tells of an ancient kingdom that fell because leaders did not listen to a princess warrior. Before she was killed, she promised she would return when rocks sprout flowers. Dr. Lee clicked the powerpoint ahead. The next slide: a picture from a recent trip to Laos. A picture of a rock sprouting flowers. The princess warriors are back, and they're here to stay.<br />
<br />
Link to the original post: http://equalityquilt.typepad.com/equalityquilt/2009/06/hmong-women-princess-warriors-clever-negotiators-political-brokers-community-achievers.htmlHWAThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02753287711012488696noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-47455600110572557002012-03-26T11:20:00.000-05:002012-03-26T11:20:05.055-05:00Choosing Hmong Women<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-cE1-_lS-iuFRb3rpusRJSa0TKrk0UeRbmUsh0aLRzAcw1-ztOQAfOSRGncmgB9ZPUBgQMs1vKACUVUZQkHcj6R5iELFYmOqBWaquTWKLc-timazfcOn2nKAV6AvTGx5JWAgyWD41Rms/s1600/paderpicture.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-cE1-_lS-iuFRb3rpusRJSa0TKrk0UeRbmUsh0aLRzAcw1-ztOQAfOSRGncmgB9ZPUBgQMs1vKACUVUZQkHcj6R5iELFYmOqBWaquTWKLc-timazfcOn2nKAV6AvTGx5JWAgyWD41Rms/s320/paderpicture.jpg" width="216" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dr. Pa Der Vang</td></tr>
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</style> <![endif]--> <div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin: 12pt 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">For those who could not join us for the 2nd Annual Hnub Tshiab Luncheon, today's post is Dr. Pa Der's speech. She was our last speaker of the event. Thank you Pa Der for your service and commitment to Hnub Tshiab.</span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin: 12pt 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Today I will talk about choosing, and using that to inform our giving. </span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I have seen so many high achieving and influential Hmong women spring forth from this organization; the Hmong women who are all here today, women who change the community, Hmong women leaders, and Hmong women who are not here today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">What came first, the chicken or the egg?</span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Is there something about<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hmong Women Achieving Together that attract Hmong women who are movers and shakers to this organization, or does Hmong Women Achieving Together have a hand in the development of these strong women?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">People who demonstrate resilience and tenacity can consistently name a mentor or a role model who helped them along the way.</span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Hmong women achieving together: their mission, to be a catalyst for lasting cultural, institutional, and social change to improve the lives of Hmong women, speaks to this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They serve as a support for Hmong women to do great things with their lives. They lift up Hmong women, they hold them there, and they let them shine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">They choose Hmong women. </span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">And I am here today, because I choose to work on behalf of Hmong women. Simply because few chose me as a Hmong daughter, a Hmong bride and divorcee, and a Hmong student.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What do I mean by this? </span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I met my future ex-husband at the age of 14 at a Hmong Graduation Party in Missoula Montana. His courtship, thereafter, took place via two years of correspondence, a story so familiar to women of our generation- with me in California, he in Washington State.</span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I had just turned 17 one summer when he drove across three states to visit me. He asked me to go home with him. I was uninformed and made naïve by cultural norms that told me, if you ask too many questions then you are stupid “phiaj noog dab tsi, cas yuav ruam ua luaj li.” And the notion of going home with an older man was normed by years of observing my aunts and cousins become teenage brides and mothers themselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">On this occasion, my parents did not choose to protect me from this early marriage. </span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">At the age of 17 I was considered old enough to choose on my own- almost an old maid by Hmong standards. And so I became a bride that summer and an 18 year old mother a year later.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">However, at the age of 17 I was too young developmentally to understand what I was doing. I was still growing and would not be fully aware of the impact of my choices until later.</span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Six years into this marriage, I made the difficult decision to leave. </span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The marriage was built on a foundation of culturally reinforced patriarchy, notions that men hold power over women, women are voiceless and docile, women are only good for childrearing, cooking, cleaning house.</span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">These strict gender roles were fully infused into this family and there was nothing I could do to change it.</span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I was not docile to say the least, I am a pretty bad cook, and I am a horrible housekeeper. And I knew that if I stayed in the marriage, I would struggle to complete my education due to the lack of support from my husband and his family, and my own birth family. </span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">In the marriage I would eventually become someone I did not want to be. I wanted something different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">At the age of 23, I chose myself. I chose me, as a Hmong women, I chose my education, I chose the life that I wanted, not something the culture or the family believed I was destined for. </span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">As a young mother I continued to attend the university after my divorce. As a young mother and divorcee, this was not an easy task.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were times when I had to leave my young son with people I hardly knew so that I could work or take a course exam. This was his life, being left with strangers so his mother could be away. But he is resilient. He is doing great. He is in college himself. </span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I’ve been a member of Hnub Tshiab since August 2000. Hnub Tshiab has been a pillar of support for me as I began my life in the Twin Cities 12 years ago.</span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">After graduating from UW-Madison I moved to St. Paul because after my divorce, I lost all support from my family and my relatives. I was ostracized.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was the first in my family to divorce, I was the black sheep. My brothers referred to me as “That’s my sister, she’s divorced” whenever they introduced me to anyone new.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">You see, this is the thing about Hmong divorcees, no one chooses them. </span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The community believes Hmong divorcees are lost souls with no home, no one to claim their bodies when they die, no one to send their souls into the afterworld, forever wandering and lost.</span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The community is ashamed of them. The community chooses not to be around them. </span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">However, I believe this is the only way Hmong women actually become free- they are relieved of their obligations to the community- they become truly autonomous beings. </span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Hnub Tshiab chose to have me around, this divorcee, this Hmong woman.</span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I have spent a total of 12 years at the University. I funded my education through loans, scholarships, fellowships, assistantships, student employment, and a full time job.</span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I was not as lucky as my brothers whose educations were fully funded by my parents- loans my parents took out in their own names. </span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">So you see, my parents did not choose me.</span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I am not resentful. I understand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love my parents and my family. I will always protect them. </span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">It is normal for Hmong parents to choose to support their sons for many reasons; one being they believe sons will carry on the family name. A daughter, they believe, will only use her resources for her husband’s family. </span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">In the face of these cultural traditions I believe I can make a difference for Hmong women and girls and so can you.</span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I am so <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">glad</i> to see all of you here today, to see that all of YOU have chosen Hmong women. </span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Of all the great philanthropic causes you could be supporting today, you have chosen to support Hnub Tshiab and Hmong women.</span></div><div class="Body1" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Thank you.</span></div></div>HWAThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02753287711012488696noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-72379334166396777632012-03-19T11:43:00.005-05:002012-03-19T11:52:38.756-05:00In Celebration of Women's History Month: Portraits of Hmong Women<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia8TPtTtihTctpnD8hEgQtQFCZVhMwlYhWdPe3aq5WyM9VFcuLV_Gba51a2IB47Twjrgdvc02kEnY6XVfpkAr3LVFyuUQ8kI5ZB3XRAsLDy9USYMoPAvTNY14w883Iq74yECLAuuBN5ZM/s1600/Kou+Vang+2.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia8TPtTtihTctpnD8hEgQtQFCZVhMwlYhWdPe3aq5WyM9VFcuLV_Gba51a2IB47Twjrgdvc02kEnY6XVfpkAr3LVFyuUQ8kI5ZB3XRAsLDy9USYMoPAvTNY14w883Iq74yECLAuuBN5ZM/s200/Kou+Vang+2.bmp" width="143" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ms. Kou Vang</td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB_yHbA62CTcrdPkwA9xuoYwe_NlJaEc1NwjUlIo7UzQ0fPpxGPFGyNirOXf-qM0YOdYOSvHAX8HdhGpWQt4PyygBwxAtMoI_Sdb7UM0jj8Kt_E_MEXpMsDtYMoC399VDyVSHzLQmg9YY/s1600/Christa+Xiong.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB_yHbA62CTcrdPkwA9xuoYwe_NlJaEc1NwjUlIo7UzQ0fPpxGPFGyNirOXf-qM0YOdYOSvHAX8HdhGpWQt4PyygBwxAtMoI_Sdb7UM0jj8Kt_E_MEXpMsDtYMoC399VDyVSHzLQmg9YY/s200/Christa+Xiong.bmp" width="143" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ms. Christa Xiong</td></tr>
</tbody></table> In honor of Women's History Month, we are featuring a documentary by Ms. Kou Vang and Ms. Christa Xiong. This documentary was supported by the Ella Lyman Cabot Trust, with seed funds from the Wisconsin Arts Boards and fiscal agent Hmong-American Women’s Association.<br />
<br />
As Ms. Vang writes on her blog, <i>“Portraits of Hmong Women” is a unique, photographic documentary that captures the stories of Hmong women in an exhibit created to build awareness, preserve history, break down the barriers of oppression and stereotypes and provide education.</i><br />
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There are diverse stories of 17 amazing Hmong women. One of the featured Hmong women, May Houa Moua, writes:<br />
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<i>Women today are extremely dynamic! Many women know what they want and are not afraid to go after it. Hmong women today are going places regardless of the barriers placed in front of them. They are becoming more educated and are not afraid to show their talents. I would like to see Hmong women continue to explore their possibilities and pass their ideas and knowledge to young girls and share them with other women. I would like the Hmong culture to give recognition to Hmong women and girls for their hard work and undying effort in making a difference in the Hmong community as well as the larger community.</i><br />
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<i>I’m a simple Hmong woman who believes in unity through the embracing of diversity. Anything is possible when you pour your heart and soul into whatever you are doing.”</i><br />
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Read her story and more. Pass them on!<br />
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<a href="http://kouvang.wordpress.com/2011/03/18/hello-world/" target="_blank">http://kouvang.wordpress.com/2011/03/18/hello-world/</a>HWAThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02753287711012488696noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-15845538455890599882012-03-05T10:39:00.001-06:002012-03-05T10:50:51.476-06:00Finding Your Voice to Speak Out<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtJpMy15gSoYPS9o4mFJpaq6XKgW6FYRJSKYJR6UQH-tTiDhX1Mw_f6bgfVMXLuF-EWGxtaSaH9UrI08UbBQvFKtJiLKou4UiHS9awmzQqkf1knPuvj5u_KTDxorAPF7wmDX3MkwO2m1M/s1600/speak+out.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtJpMy15gSoYPS9o4mFJpaq6XKgW6FYRJSKYJR6UQH-tTiDhX1Mw_f6bgfVMXLuF-EWGxtaSaH9UrI08UbBQvFKtJiLKou4UiHS9awmzQqkf1knPuvj5u_KTDxorAPF7wmDX3MkwO2m1M/s320/speak+out.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"></div>When I was asked me to write my leadership story, I struggled to find a “story.” The truth is that I am still going through my own leadership journey. Along my leadership journey, I am learning that it is during the process of the journey that I am finding my voice.<br />
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My first encounter with finding my voice happened when my dad married a second wife. My dad had been cheating on my mom for a couple of years. On the day that he and my mom were supposed to drive me to college, my dad married his second wife without telling my mom or my siblings. Prior to my dad marrying his second wife, my siblings and I staged many interventions with my dad and pleaded with him to stop cheating on my mom.<br />
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Because I went away to college, I was glad to physically be away from home because I no longer had to “deal” with my parents. During my four years in college, my siblings and I never once utter a negative word to my dad about his marriage to his second wife. At the same time, my siblings and I tried hard persuading my mom to leave my dad, and because she refused to leave my dad, I became more upset at her than at my dad. Looking back now, I understand that my desire for her to leave my dad was selfish, and at that time, I did not fully understand the cultural implications or repercussions my mom would face if she divorced my dad.<br />
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After college, I moved away to the east coast, and after two years, I returned home. Although I knew how difficult life was for my mom, it was not until I returned home and witnessed her struggles and mistreatment by my dad and his second wife. I knew that she felt her life was not worth living, although she remained strong, resilient and persevered through this difficult time.<br />
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I had to say something because we tolerated my dad and his second wife’s ill-treatment for far too long. I found the courage to confront the mistreatment by my dad and his second wife. I spoke up and spoke out. My aunts and uncles immediately sided with my dad and accused me of stirring up trouble. This got to the point where my dad’s relatives called a meeting to mediate between my dad’s second wife and me. When the mediation took place, I spoke the truth. I believe that when you speak the truth, the truth can set you free.<br />
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During this process, I learned I could be my mom’s voice, because I had nothing to lose. I knew when I stood up to my dad and his Yang clan relatives; I was speaking up for my mom and my siblings. I can choose to remain silent; however, I cannot dismiss my values, morals, and beliefs. When something does not feel right, a person must stand up and address the problem.<br />
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This was the most difficult time in my life so far because I felt powerless and useless. Having courage to voice your opinion and knowing that it could cause backlash is the hardest thing to do, especially if you are unsure who will stand by your side. I did not know and did not have the words to explain this back then, but now I know I was a leader standing up to the injustice done to my mom. This process taught me skills, and empowered me to believe that we must stand up and speak out when our morals and values are challenged.<br />
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I share this story because I am still my finding my voice on so many different levels. I truly believe that we are all leaders, but we just don’t know it yet. Leadership can happen at different points in our lives.<br />
This is a life lesson that I carry with me into my professional career working in higher education.<br />
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I openly share this story with the young Hmong women I have had the chance to mentor because my story illustrates courage and the power to believe. The story is about finding my voice to speak out against unfair cultural practices and learning to choose my battles wisely. I believe we can be the voice for our mothers’ generation and help each other discover our true authentic self so we can find our own voice."HWAThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02753287711012488696noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-85517790372350082452012-02-27T20:47:00.005-06:002012-02-27T20:52:50.516-06:00What's it like to be a woman or girl today?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/lfMmvr2yw2I?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br />
UNICEF asked women and girls around the world, "What's it like to be a woman or girl today?" We would love to hear your thoughts and response to this question.HWAThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02753287711012488696noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-22209199947695204372012-02-22T10:42:00.000-06:002012-02-22T10:58:17.100-06:00Stereotypes: Feminism Misrepresented<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2t6gb47dIetc1C_plfoz7VQ17TZSOq580OW1bf0ZtDCzgmNVNnoA2xxp05kgSeogRWipwx3RggIvxhsFJDyn3t2w9husHU5IF3_F3u2EGPvI6UuV3xriILZJd12o8s2o96Zpr5pJ1rm8/s1600/Feminism.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2t6gb47dIetc1C_plfoz7VQ17TZSOq580OW1bf0ZtDCzgmNVNnoA2xxp05kgSeogRWipwx3RggIvxhsFJDyn3t2w9husHU5IF3_F3u2EGPvI6UuV3xriILZJd12o8s2o96Zpr5pJ1rm8/s320/Feminism.png" width="292" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">A feminist is someone who supports feminism. Feminism is defined by Merriam-Webster as:</div><div class="MsoNormal">1: the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes</div><div class="MsoNormal">2: organized activity on behalf of women’s rights and interests</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Nowhere in the definition do we see the words radical, extremist, or militant yet being a feminist seems to carry a negative connotation. Common stereotypes: </div><ul><li>Feminist hate men</li>
<li>Feminist dislike women who chose to be stay home moms</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol;"></span>Feminist are masculine and unattractive</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol;"></span>Feminist are angry and bitter</li>
<li>Feminist hate religion </li>
</ul><div class="MsoNormal">The most damaging myths about feminism is that it only liberates women at the expense of men, and all feminists are just out to emasculate the men in their society and take over the world. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">At Hnub Tshiab we believe that our families, our clans, our communities and society over all do better when women are allowed the same opportunities as men. When we have equality for both genders our families prosper, the emotional health of our families improve, and the quality of our family bonds are strengthened. The quest for equality is not only for women but also for men. We know that men, sometimes, can be our best advocates.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I am certain that I am not alone when I say for many years I was afraid to self identify as a feminist. I was terrified of how others would perceive me. I struggled with how to be a good Hmong daughter/wife and a feminist. The two images seemed to be polar opposites. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Today I know that a good Hmong daughter/wife and feminist can coexist in the same being. I do not have to choose to be one or the other. In order to reap the benefits of what equality brings, we must all make a conscious decision to embrace all of the identities that make us who we are. Let us together reshape the image of a feminist to what it truly is, that feminist are loving, caring, compassionate and spiritual beings that embrace and empower others to reach their full potential.</div>HWAThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02753287711012488696noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-75961194084603445412012-02-13T22:41:00.000-06:002012-02-13T22:46:57.738-06:00Taboo?<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSc188NBq_fMWtXOUDFl3I3Za8yg9QdEAZgJUsDy6SJLS_SopcBWogRaOzgV11wBvvxAobiB2slfRGppv_CSuq0ETQC-maeR0fIUe6XVe0t2WnTjC2_lAVCHHmP-9-1zWDFtsQja4CcfU/s1600/Taboo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSc188NBq_fMWtXOUDFl3I3Za8yg9QdEAZgJUsDy6SJLS_SopcBWogRaOzgV11wBvvxAobiB2slfRGppv_CSuq0ETQC-maeR0fIUe6XVe0t2WnTjC2_lAVCHHmP-9-1zWDFtsQja4CcfU/s320/Taboo.JPG" width="222" /></a> In the Hmong culture, it is a taboo to marry someone with the same last name. Never did I think that would happen to me. I was embarrassed at the beginning of our marriage that we were both Xiongs. We didn’t have a wedding because of our same last name. My husband just paid the dowry and the cost of the food if we would have had a wedding. Because we didn’t have a wedding our marriage was kept quiet. Only our immediate families knew we were married. The night we got married his family wanted to pay my parents money to send me back to my family and reverse the marriage. My husband refused. My mother in law and sister in law wouldn’t even call me “nyab” (daughter/sister in law) when there were visitors. They would call me by my first name because they were embarrassed. We knew they were embarrassed so we wouldn’t attend large family gatherings just to spare them the embarrassment. They didn’t say they were going to disown us, but mentally his family disowned us; they stopped inviting us to their family gatherings, and we heard talk from outsiders, so we basically knew we were disowned. I remember his aunt and his first cousin telling my sister in laws not to call me “ nyab’ because it is the grossest thing someone could ever do. I was really hurt when one of my sister in laws, whom I was close to, told me. Every time I see his first cousin<span style="color: red;">, </span>she would never say hi to me. She would ignore me and if they were looking for my husband, she would call me “Hey!” I purposely wouldn’t answer because I was hurt they didn’t acknowledge me. <br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal">After three years of marriage and no children, we heard from our distant cousins that his family said it was because of our last names being the same. They said even if we had kids they would be deformed. Some of the people who were telling us that we were horrible were our cousins who were married to their first cousins. Is being married to someone with the same last name worse than marrying your first cousin? My mom gave me some herbs to help conceive and one month later, I became pregnant. When I first found out I was pregnant, I was worried how my baby would turn out. I gave birth 9 months later to a beautiful baby girl. I remember there was a Hmong lady who worked at the hospital who helped Hmong families with paperwork. When we were filling out the paperwork, she asked us if we were legally married since we had the same last name on the forms. We told her “No.” She said, “Then why are your last names Xiong?” We smiled and told her, “Because we are both Xiongs.” We told her our story. She asked to see our baby and for permission to hold our baby. I gave her permission and she went ahead and held our baby and undressed her. I knew she wanted to see if there was anything wrong with our baby. I wanted her to see that our baby was perfect so I allowed her to do so. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">We eventually moved out of state and started going to church because we didn’t know how to “ua neeb” or call for a “txiv neeb” because we were alone. Five years after our marriage, his aunts and uncles started visiting us. More and more of his family eventually came around. They started to call us for family gatherings and invited us for holidays. They asked us to not go to church anymore and go back to “ua neeb” with them. We told them we’re happy where we are. We go to church because we love it there. We love when the priest lectures about relationships and life. It’s a great learning experience for us. My mother in law came to visit us twice and asked us to move back. Now we’re back in Minnesota with our families and we have 4 beautiful children. I don’t feel insecure about myself when I’m with his family, trying to be someone I’m not. It took a long time for his family to finally accept me. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Even though we were doing all the “wrong” things and my family was initially ashamed and hurt, they still forgave us, stood by us and supported us. They did all they could to help us start our family. I’m so thankful for my family. After 2 years of lying to outsiders about our last names I told myself: I’m not a bad person. I just fell in love with someone I can’t stop loving. Do I need to lie about my situation for the rest of my life? I couldn’t and shouldn’t. I shouldn’t worry about how people think of me. I love my family and that’s what matters most.<a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=8888833577333209721&postID=7596119408460344541" name="_GoBack"></a> I should just focus on my marriage and my children. I believe we should stand up for what we believe even if we’re standing alone. </div>HWAThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02753287711012488696noreply@blogger.com47tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-42732555480476386922011-12-06T11:53:00.000-06:002011-12-06T11:55:29.991-06:00Overcoming Adversity<div class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"></b></div><div class="MsoNormal">Sometimes I wonder why I am so fortunate to overcome such adversity when there are so many Hmong women who cannot overcome the same experience. It is only after I dissect every aspect of my experience that I can pinpoint how lucky I am. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I got married one month after I turned 14. I got pregnant soon after and had a daughter. While I was pregnant, I started to realize I wasn’t happy in the marriage. By the time I was 16, I knew I was in an unhealthy relationship and wanted, no needed to leave the marriage. Soon after I graduated high school, I found the strength to leave the marriage permanently. By the time I was 18, I was already divorced with a child. Most people don’t have this much life experience before they even enter college. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">While I was contemplating my divorce my biggest fear was: what if I return to my natal family and bring shame to my parents? In the Hmong culture, shame is the most awful thing you can do to your family. I would be a divorced, single mom. I could bear the stigma but would my parents be able to? What if my parents blamed me for the divorce? I feared that my parents would say, “You were too lazy and that’s why your in-laws didn’t want you.” My parents never uttered those words. Fortunately, my parents were very supportive of my divorce. After the divorce, I finally realized the full strength of my parent’s love for me, their eldest daughter. My parents truly wanted what was best for me, disregarding their reputation. My parents never made me feel guilty for leaving the marriage; they never blamed me. They never made me feel ashamed of my decision. I eventually became much more independent, moved out on my own, and completed college. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfYjtCx7Gzx1IAW9sw2O6Tx1jvWS4RgQonQ_UT6Ub2o80H6sUG_awXxRRGEzVdtbS-GhDoRbTId5oH8XSnsIzXd0TKZ_AuMt20Clnfcxnp5oR2Ac6q9JtGAhSEc_ub_1L9HJ2GBMCh25g/s1600/Overcoming+Adversities.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="234" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfYjtCx7Gzx1IAW9sw2O6Tx1jvWS4RgQonQ_UT6Ub2o80H6sUG_awXxRRGEzVdtbS-GhDoRbTId5oH8XSnsIzXd0TKZ_AuMt20Clnfcxnp5oR2Ac6q9JtGAhSEc_ub_1L9HJ2GBMCh25g/s320/Overcoming+Adversities.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>I have a cousin who had a similar experience. She got married very young, had a child and divorced all before completing high school. For whatever reason, she keeps getting stuck in this cycle. She has been in several marriages. She has not been able to hold a steady job or go to college. We had such similar experiences; how is it that I am able to be where I am today and she is still stuck in this destructive cycle? I could not understand the different outcomes until I compared our families. My father was so protective of me he didn’t care that I left the marriage; he just wanted me to be safe. After my cousin’s divorce, her brother would hit her when she did something to disappoint or embarrass the family. I do not know if her parents ever shamed her for leaving her first husband or if they ever tried to protect<a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=8888833577333209721&postID=4273255548047638692" name="_GoBack"></a> her from her brother.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I know now how lucky I am to have such supportive parents. They made all the difference in my development as a woman. Their unconditional love has brought me to where I am today and I am forever grateful for that. I know I will repeat this cycle of unconditional love towards my children even if it means going against the grain.</div>HWAThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02753287711012488696noreply@blogger.com1