tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post8030376651405218576..comments2024-01-17T02:19:08.690-06:00Comments on Hnub Tshiab: Hmong Women Achieving Together: StrugglingHWAThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02753287711012488696noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-5055859727337746652013-03-10T19:30:45.824-05:002013-03-10T19:30:45.824-05:00I don't have sister-in-laws, but I have brothe...I don't have sister-in-laws, but I have brothers who date different girls, who some of them, for some reason come to me for advice or for complaining about my own brothers. When they do that, I just don't get it. Why would you talk to your boyfriend's sister about your relationship issues? I personally would never do that. That's what blood sisters and/ or friends are for. <br /><br />I agree that the young daughter-in-law in this story here, needs to find another resource to confide in. I agree with what others are saying about holding the son accountable as well. <br /><br />It might be better if they got a divorce, since I don't think they should've married that young in the first place. They're both too young and immature, plus they live with other family members, which can make things worse. <br /><br /><br /><br /> Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-5950205154340184412013-02-21T23:26:58.619-06:002013-02-21T23:26:58.619-06:00No, you are not being too harsh, dear sisterJ.ust ...No, you are not being too harsh, dear sisterJ.ust remember that there are people who won't fully understand things after repetitive- on going actions (& probably won't ever will). Their awakening process is in a delay & this will have for you to just wait for it.<br /><br />However, stand strong, keep it up with being who you are, and hey, probably when the family is having dinner, put on some music to cheer up the souls! <br /><br />Thanks for the post.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-36898839346392639662013-01-26T00:40:28.289-06:002013-01-26T00:40:28.289-06:00Young immature relationships like this usually end...Young immature relationships like this usually end up bad. That's why I would say, 1/2 of the generation who grew up in the US firsthand and got forced into marriage ended up in divorce. This is why we should never impose marriage on our youth anymore. These elders need to realize we are in a different society with different expectations/laws. Also importantly, your brother and nyab are obviously not mature enough for marriage. We need to gear away from this cultural practice. <br />Thanks for sharing. Your experience with your nyab is all too common in Hmong households.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-21423524838195645862012-11-15T01:43:43.592-06:002012-11-15T01:43:43.592-06:00I totally agree with you that in-laws can never be...I totally agree with you that in-laws can never be as close and loving towards you as your own family; not only that but they are always going to be the ones who truly understand you and where you stand. Your in-laws never will and sometimes some of them never event want to make the time to try to understand you. Not only did this girl marry so young but made a huge life changing decision. She left her family that loves, cherish, and understand her for a family who doesn't want to try to care for her and even try to resemble acting like a family to her. From the sound of it, it only sounded like she got scolded in front of the family like everything is her fault. Cut her a break, she is still in high school and her priority is her education if you care so much about femininity. Femininity is treasuring your independence and education is key to that. I have to say I agree that maybe you are holding very high expectations when you should cut her a break for being so young to begin with. I am of a different culture married into a Hmong family and I feel like the expectations and standards held on us daughter-in-laws are unrealistic and frustrating to the point that I can see many Hmong women turning their backs on the culture leaving many Hmong men single and with no brides. I am not saying that Hmong are bad husbands because I assure you I love my Hmong husband so much but it may be the family the man comes with that can leave him single with no brides. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-73949349249626245492012-08-30T09:15:19.982-05:002012-08-30T09:15:19.982-05:00Throughout your post you criticize your nyab's...Throughout your post you criticize your nyab's behavior while not mentioning how your family acts or reacts towards her? Obviously you are holding her up to higher standards just because she is a woman. You expect her to be more tolerant and compromising because she is a woman as compared to your brother, father, and grandfather? Sounds like you respect your mother very much because you can see how much she sacrificed and struggled all throughout her life as a Hmong woman and you expect your Nyab to be the same. The problem is not your Nyab but how your feminism is at conflict with the patriarchal society you were raised in. It's one thing to read about feminism and women's rights in class. It's another thing in how to implement what you have learned in real life and create change in yourself and others. Of course her actions upset you because that is your family. However, it is also normal for people to complain about their family. Ask yourself, if she was your sister and not your nyab, how would you have responded when she complained about family members? Would you have just laughed it off instead or joined in? She just needs to learn that she needs to complain to her own family or friends instead of her in-laws. The truth is that in-laws can never be as close or loving towards you as your own family.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-22189661325356145502012-08-16T22:39:58.525-05:002012-08-16T22:39:58.525-05:00From the sound of it you should talk to your broth...From the sound of it you should talk to your brother, father, and grandfather about their sexist ways. If you think that your nyab is doing anything wrong then you obviously have little understanding of what gender inequality really is. Is it fair for your father and grandfather to tell your nyab that her behavior is shameful when your brother refused to own up to his responsibilities? I think that if your brother made the decision to walk out on a disagreement then your nyab has every right to state she wants a divorce. What did your father and grandfather say to your brother about walking away from his responsibilities? Probably nothing right? Because they went ahead and reprimanded your nyab when they should be reprimanding their son/grandson! Regardless of our understanding of the Hmong culture/ values we are still only WOMEN! You can compromise all you want but when the tables turn on you, you are still only another "Hmong woman." As Hmong women, we should support one another instead of judging each other. We should not point fingers and assume that just because we can compromise, every other woman should also. I don't think it is your place to "talk" to your nyab about her behavior. If you don't like to hear the things she says about your brother or family then you should tell her that she should reach out to someone else. You are bias, of course, because this is your family she is talking "smack" about. If you think you are offering her genuine support by listening to her then you are wrong. Every nyab will have something to say about their in-laws, for her, she is too young to know that she should not be discussing her issues with her SIL. If you truly are a feminist, as you want everyone to believe, then do the right thing and point her in the right direction. In the direction that can provide her with genuine support so that she may learn to be a better nyab/wife. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-8082723951400335302012-08-10T11:00:26.164-05:002012-08-10T11:00:26.164-05:00I don't think she is the problem. I think your...I don't think she is the problem. I think your brother is the problem by your omission thus far of him. I think your nyah is smarter and more mature than your brother, but he doesn't want to accept that. He's already made one major mistake and that was to marry at 16. Everyone I knew that married at that age with the exception of about 20% has gotten a divorce by the time they are in their 20s. So your brother's marriage already is facing grim statistics (no real stats just my observation). There is really just two options that your brother can do. a) give into your nyab and accept not being the dominant person in the marriage b) Learn to communicate and be better at persuation. You do not need to flex your feminist values, that will only add fuel to the fire. There is always a win-win situation, that's what saving face is all about. But you don't have to take my word for it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888833577333209721.post-10785185557870450262012-05-15T12:35:14.826-05:002012-05-15T12:35:14.826-05:00I'm not sure if her behavior is reflective of ...I'm not sure if her behavior is reflective of her feminist views and/or if it has anything to do directly with feminism. It sounds to me like this is more of an internal family conflict as opposed to a conflict involving a difference in feminist perspectives. I understand the two are not mutually exclusive of each other, but it might do you more good to talk to her about her behavior instead of trying to hold her to your feminist standards.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com