Disclaimer

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in the blog posts are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of Hnub Tshiab: Hmong Women Achieving Together.

Friday, September 13, 2013

Ode to the Hmong Man in My life


By Nou Yang

As I work on being a catalyst to improve the lives of Hmong women in Hnub Tshiab: Hmong Women Achieving Together, I can’t help but reflect on the events and the people who were the catalyst that propelled me to be who I am today, one of whom is my older brother Lee. 

My brother Lee is among one of the youngest members of the leadership team of the Yang clan. He became active in the Yang clan several years after he and my sister-in-law started having children.  To my family, Lee represents more than just a member of the family clan.  In fact, by being a member of the leadership team he helps manage, resolve and is privy to family issues like marriages, funerals and how the clan uses money that is collected from clan family members.  More importantly, he represents the voice of my immediate family.  You see, my father died a long time ago and since his death we have not had a seat at the table, so to speak, where the elders make decisions about our community.  Before Lee was considered mature enough to be invited to the leadership table, my mother was not included in clan level decisions. In fact, my family moved from Nebraska to Wisconsin just to be in proximity to the next of kin elders from the Yang clan.

However, to me he was a leader before he became part of the Yang clan.  He was instrumental in helping my mother and I listen long enough to shift our perspectives in order to better understand one another.  As a Hmong girl growing up in the midst of mainstream culture, I struggled with who I was as an individual versus who my mother wanted me to be.   When I wanted to go to college far away from home and my mother said “no” because I was a girl, it was my brother who helped me understand that I didn’t need to go 2-3 hours away from home to go to a great school, learn, and explore who I want to become.  When I would come home late and get scolded by my mother who was waiting up for me, my brother would help my mother understand I needed to study at the library.  Lee, thank you for helping to keep the peace at home.

Growing up, Lee knew how hard life was for our mother, who was raising us up by herself.  He knew how little voice and respect my mother had because there was no “man of the house.”  Even as a high school student, to me he was half brother, half father figure.  I didn’t know when and how his role started to transition from just being a young man to being involved in clan leadership, but it seemed to happen over night.  I believe he just started to step up because no one else was stepping up.  My mom needed him to step up to represent our voices and like it or not he did. Lee, thank you for carrying the burden of our entire immediate family on your shoulders.

Lee, thank you for being the Hmong man that you are.  You are always an advocate for the Hmong women in your life.  Thank you for encouraging me through college. Thank you for believing in me when I have felt I could not continue. Thank you for helping me understand Hmong culture more. Thank you for being you: compassionate, patient, thoughtful, reflective, an ally, brother, father, and inspiration. 

You are the wonderful Hmong man in my life.  I could not be here today without you.

Sunday, September 8, 2013


Strength of a mother


By Maly Lee


Imagine learning that your only two children have been diagnosed with an incurable genetic disorder. Now, imagine both of them developing leukemia and needing bone marrow transplants at the same time. This is the reality of Mai Nhia Moua. Until one year ago, the name Fanconi Anemia wasn't even in her vocabulary, but now it's a nightmare that she is unable to awaken from.

Her oldest child, Dakota, had always dealt with bloody noses. These were not your everyday bloody noses. Dakota's nose would bleed for hours on end until she was bleeding from her eyes as well. More than once she needed blood transfusions from losing so much blood all due to a bloody nose. Wanting more answers for their daughter, Mai Nhia and her husband sought a genetic test. It came back positive for Fanconi Anemia.

The parents were in shock after researching more about this illness. Why them? Why their children? What did they do for this to happen? Questions weighed heavily on them.
They soon found out that Peyton, their younger child, also had Fanconi Anemia. Peyton's dad is in the Army and a few times was not able to be with them during this hard time so Mai Nhia felt alone. She had a very supportive family, but no one who truly understood what she was feeling and going through. Yet she persevered.

She sought and advocated daily for the best treatment for her children in between working as an elementary teacher. Many were telling her to continue to ua neeb, but she knew her children needed more than spiritual help. There were days that she couldn't keep her eyes open and days where it seemed they'd never dry from all the tears she wept.

Earlier this year, after Peyton's bone marrow biopsy, they learned some horrific news. Peyton needed a bone marrow transplant immediately. Before long, they were engulfed in the transplant process. Not too long after, Dakota had a severely bloody nose. Her blood counts had dropped far below comfort. She, too, would be in need of an immediate bone marrow transplant. Their parents were heartbroken, but determination and hope was on their side.

To the present: Peyton had his bone marrow transplant almost two months ago and Mai Nhia was by his side. He's doing remarkably well and was even walking just a few days after his transplant. Now it is Dakota's turn and, like the loving mother that she is, Mai Nhia shaved her head for her daughter.

Mai Nhia and her family's story will not be over when Dakota is healed from transplant. Fanconi Anemia has no cure and there's no telling what it will throw at them next, but I have a feeling they'll stand up to fight again and again and never give up.

Mai Nhia, you're one of the bravest mothers that I know. You have a lot of strength inside you and your love for your children should be written in textbooks. Don't let your mind ever start to make you doubt yourself. I love you all!